27-year-old aunt signs her 10-year-old nephew up for ballet classes against his father's wishes, she gets the silent treatment for encouraging his "girly" interests: "He's a good father, but he isn't very supportive"

It's funny what sorts of things get pointlessly gendered. If you walk down a toy aisle at your nearest supermarket, you'll find all sorts of funny products marketed specifically to boys or girls. For example, you may find two sets plastic bowling pins made for children: one is pink and covered in butterflies, the other is decorated with dinosaurs. To drive home the message, the packaging might even call the products "Bowling Pins for Girls," or, "Bowling Pins for Boys." How something like a game that both boys and girls can play and enjoy could be so pointlessly gendered is beyond me. 
Ballet, while not categorized as a sport, is insanely taxing on the body. It requires a ton of strength and bodily control. Most ballet shows have roles intended for both men and women, but the association, perhaps because it is a type of dancing, will always be "girly" and "feminine." In our story today, a young boy takes an interest in the art form, and his aunt signs him up for free classes over the summer. His macho dad is not pleased. Scroll down for more!

Author image for Ely Bulnes Ely Bulnes
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    AITA for enrolling my nephew into a ballet class against his dad's wishes?

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    This is my first time posting on this subreddit at the behest of my friend. She thought that you guys could let me know if I really am at fault here. I (27F) love my nephew (10M) very much. He's a very intelligent,
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    kind, and sweet kid. He also has very unique interests for a boy his age, and his father (38M) disapproves of most of them. He's a good father, but he isn't very supportive of his son (we'll call him
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    Andy). For example, Andy likes to crochet with me, but my brother Jared has told me privately to do other activities with Andy. But, he has never expressed his disapproval directly towards Andy.
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    Andy's mother passed away a few years ago, and it's been hard on the family. We don't have much of an extended family as they live across the country, but I've been there to support Andy and his father (let's
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    call him Jared) the whole time. I've been bonding more and more with Andy and learning more about his interests. Now, the trouble arose when Andy asked me to enroll him in our local community
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    center's ballet classes. I think it would be a great opportunity for him, and I don't think that ballet is gendered. I did, however, have a sneaking suspicion that Jared would disapprove. I still enrolled Andy in the classes for the summer, and he is overjoyed.
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  • While I think it's great that our protagonist is such an open-minded role model for her nephew, it's never a good idea to sign a kid up for something without their parents' permission. 

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    Unfortunately, I cannot say the same about his father. He is quite upset at me for going behind his back and making him do something so "girly". He has not visibly expressed his disappointment
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    towards Andy, but he has not talked to me for the past few days. Andy is really excited about the classes, and I don't think he is aware of the conflict it has caused between his father and I. The classes are free, so Jared is not mad about the money, but I still feel like I have been duplicitous towards my own brother.
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  • I think what's really sad here is that she gave the kid hope by signing him up; now he's going to have to face the reality of not being able to attend the classes. There must be a better way to convince the dad to let his son do ballet – perhaps by pointing out the incredible mental strength and precision required of the dancers. 

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    Wild-Association1680 ESH. There's nothing wrong with boys doing ballet, and it's super sweet that Andy asked you to do that. And Jared is a tool for not being cool with it. But you are not his parent, and you know you were being a little sneaky.
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    IMO, a better way to go about it would have been to say "Hey Jared, Andy expressed some interest in ballet class. I wanted to run it by you first since you're his dad, but I'd be more than happy to drive him to and from every week since I'd love to have the bonding time."
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    Toxic masculinity s ks, but so does losing your spouse, and Jared may already have fears that Andy will be seen as different, or that Jared will be undermined as a single father. That doesn't legitimize not letting boys do "girly" things, but it requires a gentler hand with the context given.
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    PuffyPeachSprout That's actually such a fair take. OP's heart was in the right place, but a little heads up to Jared could've gone a long way, especially with the sensitivity around Andy. It's clear everyone just wants what's best for him.
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    CherryCupcakeTwirl Exactly. The issue isn't ballet it's about trust and communication. Jared deserved to be looped in, even if the decision felt obvious to everyone else. That doesn't mean Andy shouldn't go, but how it was handled definitely matters.
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    love_laugh_dance Oh no, not at all. The issue is definitely ballet. Yes, it matters very much how it was handled, but that's because the issue is definitely ballet and how OP's brother views activities as gendered.
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    lemon_charlie ESH. I'm not condoning what Jared believes, and do think that Andy deserves to be supported by his father for who he wants to be. But Jared is the one with all the legal rights and can choose to deny you
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    an ongoing role in Andy's life as much as doing so would make him an AH. You need to pick your battles here, especially as you're the main person Andy has outside of his father.
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    You're well intentioned and more supportive of Andy for who he is, but I don't think you've fully thought this through long term. You're a positive influence in his life, keep enough trust with Jared to remain a positive influence in Andy's life.
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    PandaEnthusiast89 YTA even though your heart was in the right place. Unless a kid is in danger, you don't override a parent's choices/rules for their child - even if their rules are stupid and outdated. When you do, there is a chance that the parent will limit your access to said child, which will be sad for both you and the child.
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    redd-junkie YTA. You signed Andy up for something that you absolutely knew his father was most likely going to have issue with. You set Andy up to have something
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    that he is really excited about yanked away. You are then pitting him against his father. Stop pushing the boundaries in this manner with your brother's child. It's not cute. It's not funny. It's wrong.
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    K8Reddit YTA. I don't agree with your brother and it sounds like your heart is in the right place but (unless you have custody) you overstepped. If I were you I'd be more concerned about being around for my nephew longer term, which requires staying in your brother's good graces.
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Tags

nephews family drama AITAH brother boys toxic masculinity siblings relationships parenting aunt ballet family sister dance Parenting Fail parents
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